Goodbyes

In general. goodbyes suck. Please excuse my language but there isn't any other word that sums up how I feel about goodbyes.

Tonight I had to say goodbye to my big little brother, Tigger. No, that's NOT his real name for those of you who are thinking, "Who would do that to their child??" His real name is Ian-Michael, but he will always be Tigger.....

He is in the Army and has just been stationed in Alaska. For the past few years they have been at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina, far away, but doable. Alaska......is very far away. Seems permanent somehow.

Tigger and I are 14 months apart in age. I am the oldest and it was just the two of us for 7 years until Mom and Dad thought it would be fun to add Tori..what the heck were they thinking??? Just kidding, love you Tori! Tigs and I were best buds. There was one summer,when we lived in Pittsburgh, when we were inseparable. I wore his cool boy underwear, we slept in the same room every night, we peed together (it can be done!). We were pretty tight till we got older. There were a distinct number of years where I hardly acknowledged him as a brother. When I talked about my siblings, it was always, Tori, Joshie and Noah. Never Tigger. Then that turbulent summer when our lives changed forever. Even then, we were not close.

Last fall, Tigger and his family came for a visit. It was then that Tigger gave his life back to the Lord. And it clicked. Somehow we just picked up where we left off. We could talk again. He still drives me crazy with his insane teasing and poking and all the stuff Dad used to do to us when we were little! But he's my brother, my big (he's way taller than me) little brother.

So tonight was hard. I held it together while I was hugging him and even till we got to the car. Then Jonah looke out the back window and waved and said, "good-bye Uncle Tigger, I love you." I lost it. I'm not sure why this time bothers me more than any other time of goodbye. They come every summer and spend time and then leave. This just feels.....different somehow. Maybe it's because I know how hard it be for Jill (his wife) tomorrow, watching him leave and not having any idea of when she will see him next. Or how much hard it will be for him to kiss his kids one last time and then have to let go. Or how much I wish he was staying so we could be close.

So for you little brother, I love you more than words can say. May the Lord bless you and keep you, until we are together again. Goodbye.