I can't sleep. I've tried. Yes, it is only 9:30, but I am usually fast asleep by now. But my heart is heavy and that does not allow for sleep. And, even though I have tried to avoid it, I find I must pour my heart out here, despite who may or may not see it. My fingers are ready to share my burden.

I have a friend. Revolutionary, right? But you see, I don't make friends easily. Oh, I am friendly and outgoing and I can strike up conversations easily enough. But, there are only two people who I can point to that I have allowed into my life, to see the messy side of who I am....behind the masks and the fakeness that I usually put up for most to see. And I am now terrified that I have lost my friend.

We have had quite the share of ups and downs, this friend and I. We've seen each other through some really rough crap. And, I think, we've always been able to tell each other how we feel. Or, if need be, to call each other out. That's who we are.

I felt the need to call into question something in her life. I don't know if I really should have said anything or not..but that is beside the point as it is already done. She is very angry with me, and hurt. I am sad and so very afraid that I may have lost her.

I am aware that there is a great possibility that she may move...this has been our reality for months now, delicately balancing on our increasingly different lives with the same old same old. We both feel the distance, I think.

I don't know what to do. I love her, so very much. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. She has become as close as a sister to me. And sisters fight. I just don't know how we will come back from this.

My heart is heavy tonight...and as I continue to type, the screen grows blurry through my tears. I don't know if she will see this or not. If so, I hope she sees my heart, that I care for her deeply and my life has been changed for good because I know her, to borrow from my beloved "Wicked". I miss her.