Whew, have to stop and catch my breath. What a weekend....

First things first, Jonah starts baseball this week. SO all weekend we lived, breathed, slept, and ate baseball. He was so excited about his baseball stuff, I had to ground him to get him to take off his batting helmet for bed! He is so excited. His first practice is this Thursday. I hope I survive till then.

On a sadder note, our kitty is not doing very well. On Friday I noticed that he was not playing with his brother, which was odd. Every time Larry tried to wrestle, Bob would make this awful sound. Then, come nightfall, we couldn't find Bob. Matt was convinced that he had jumped out the hole in the window, I however, knowing that Bob is terrified of the outside, felt differently. We searched the house and the outside calling and calling and shaking the bag of treats. We went to bed resigned to the fact that he would come back in the morning. As we were laying in bed, Matt wonders out loud, 'I wonder if bob is in the bed". Now there is a corner of our boxspring where the fabric is ripped. Bob had climbed up in there. There he was, but we couldn't get him to come out. Even shaking the bag of treats which usually brings them running from any corner of the house wasn't enticing him. WE went to bed thinking that he might be deceased in the morning. Well he wasn't. We immediately noticed however that he has no use of his back legs. He uses his front feet and drags his others behind him. It's just awful to watch. I have a hunch that the girls did something to his hips. I feel just wretched and like a parent who is raising animal abusers! We've kept a close eye on him and he seems to be rallying a bit. More updates as they happen.

A day and a half till the ultrasound.....

This is a video taken a while ago when we went to the aviary. The ducks really liked the fact that Sydney was close to the ground with her big bucket of corn. She was NOT happy that they liked her so much!!!





Video Hosting - Upload Video - Photo Sharing

Be forewarned...this post will be entirely random!

First of all, you guys all crack me up. The next time I post something from the past I will make sure the date is in very bold print!! LOL.

I'm finally starting to "feel" pregnant. I finally look like it and now the baby is moving lots so it's starting to feel real. My ultrasound was moved from Thursday to Tuesday so in 5 days we will know. I'm excited and anxious. I can't really explain this...it is just my greatest desire to have a boy. I mean there are the obvious reasons, like having three girls in a row, owning every pink thing ever made, dealing with the drama of having girls.....etc. Plus there's my Jonah. He so desperately wants a brother. He even asked me to set up the crib in his room so it would be ready for his brother. But I guess the most important reason, to me anyway, is my grandpa. This baby will have his name....it's just really important to me. Ok, sorry didn't mean to get all emotional. I was looking at pictures of Syndey's birthday party yesterday and there was Grandpa....the last party he made it to.....

I pulled an all nighter with Matt on Sunday night as I rushed him to the ER. He'd been complaining about back pain all weekend. And like the wonderful wife I am, I ignored him and thought to myself, "Yeah try being pregnant sometime!" Anyway, he woke up at 11:30 and I thought he was dying. My girlfriend rushed over and we rushed to the ER. We checked in at 12:06 AM and returned home at 8:15 AM. Yup That's roughly 7 hours in the ER. Now I know for some of you, this is not bad but normal :) But for someone who is in bed by 9PM every night, staying up all night in the ER with a dying husband is a big deal. I have never been so exhausted. Suffice to say, he is not dying. They suspected that he had a kidney stone, but it turns out that it is just a severe kidney infection. The doctor said scary things though like, "good thing we caught before it got into his blood." My response? "Ok, do NOT say things like that to a very tired pregnant woman!!!!" All is well and he is fine.

Alrighty then, think that's enough of an update. I'm sure there'll be many more emotional posts between now and next Tuesday :)

Scene - Sunday, April 21st, 2002...3AM

I am awoken by a sharp pain in my side. I sit up abruptly thinking...Could this be it?!?!?!? I laid still for ten more minutes counting..indeed at least one more pain that came and went. They were painful. I got up and decided to shower to see if that would calm them down. As soon as the hot water hit my belly, the pain increased. This was definitely it. I walked out to the living room where my husband had been up all night watching movies and told him it was time. His response? "No way!" Yes way. We got dressed, woke up Molli and Jonah, called my mom and off we went. By the time we got to my parents house it was 5 AM. My contractions were increasing. I could barely say goodbye as we passed our small children into the waiting arms of their grandparents. We started off to the hospital. I was calculating in my head...ok, it takes 45 minutes to get there...I can do this.....

I had to pee. There was just no getting around it. Unfortunately for me, there was NOTHING on the stretch of highway between us and the hospital. I made Matt pull over and I stood and peed on the side of the road. WOW, that made the contractions even harder and closer together. I asked Matt to PLEASE drive faster. Not five minutes later, there are red lights flashing behind us. I moan as another contraction hits, so irritated with this officer, it's 5 AM for pity sake!! He walks up to the window and bends over to look into the car. Matt can barely get these words out.."um, she has to....baby.....gotta go..." I groan as yet another contraction hits not three minutes after the last one. The officer's eyes shoot open. "Do you need an ambulance??" he asked. "No, no...just gotta go...", Matt sputters. "Alright, be careful!", the officer says. "GO!" I scream. We get here without any further ado. By this time, I am in so much pain. Nothing I do, no position I am in can help. All of a sudden, Matt leans over me and says, "Honey, I'm not sure I want to name her Emma..." I look up and him in amazement. "Are you joking me???", I demanded. "And what, pray tell are we going to call her????" He shrugs. I can't keep up the dialog as I am swept into yet another contraction. I beg Matt for an epidural. "Honey, you don't really want one of those, remember??", he says to me. Crying, I grab his hand and say, "YES I DO!!!!", ever so calmly. The doctor comes strolling in. "May I please have an epidural????" I ask. He decides to check me first. GRRRR....I am at 9, no time for an epidural. He says I can have a shot...something, anything. He turns around to get the shot and I have to push ready or not, here we go. Never has anything ever been so painful and yet 4 pushes later, out she came. Pink, crying and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.



Welcome to the world my little Emma Jane.....and now, four years later, happy birthday my beautiful girl.....

My beautiful girls 

cold Easter morning 

On the way to the zoo, a song came on the radio. I'm not sure who sings it but it's kind of a rap song, something about jumping in the house of God. Anyway, my very white husband decides to rap and get the children "raising the roof". It was so hilarious that I had to take some video of it. I wish the sound had come through, but you'll get the idea. So without further ado here is my ever so white family "raising the roof".



Video Hosting - Upload Video - Photo Sharing

Time for an update....I've looked at my page every day and have read y'all's but just haven't been able to think of anything exciting to write about. It was our first full week back to normal without Grandpa. We spent it being very careful about Grandma and how she was making out. I spent Thursday morning at her house, just being there. She seems to need my kids around, just to touch and kiss them. Which is fine.

Friday was Good Friday (duh) and the kids had no school. Matt was off work as well so we woke up early and headed to the Toledo Zoo. The kids had never been to this zoo so they were way excited. Minus the long drive, it was a great day. We hiked all over, my pregnant body started to protest near the end. Here are some pics..



THis one was at the very end of the day, as you can tell the natives were restless!



You can never have too many pics of kids on stone animals!

Well I was going to post Easter pics as well, but I'll wait, blogger is being slow!

As the sun rose this morning and I was contemplating whether or not to go to church this morning, I discovered that there is a time and season for everything. (Turn, turn, turn...) I will always miss my grandpa and there will be times of sadness, but like it or not, time moves on. It was a beautiful day.

Let's see, happy news....First things first. Has anyone seen Mindy Schoeberlein? I am fearful that her dust bunnies have revolted and she has perished. I know most of you see her often, but for those of us who don't, please find her!

The kids go back to school this week, they didn't have much of a spring break with all the crying, but ah well. I will be glad and sad for the return of routine. Emma has announced that she will be a ninja when she grows up.....ok. Sydney has morphed from Dora to Diego, not sure that it was a great move. They are remarkably similar. Ugh. I felt the baby move big for the first time. I was way excited. Of course, no one was around to acknowledge this tremendous thing. I go back to the doctor next week and then our ultrasound is may 4th!!! Way excited about that.

Ok I am done speaking in incomplete sentences, my mother would croak if she read this! Off to enjoy the sunshine while it lasts!

Truly, this has been the longest week of my life. It all seemed to be in slow motion somehow.

Saturday, April 1 - My cousins flew in for a short weekend visit, we all planned a big meal at moms. My family and I headed out shopping for a bit before the dinner so my cousins had time to visit with Grandpa. As we enter the last store, my cell phone rings. It's my sister. "they're calling everyone to the hospital....grandpa is failing." We flew to the hospital, Matt dropping me at the door and rushing to mom's to watch Noah so my dad can come. We spend all day waiting....Just waiting, praying that Grandpa will hold on till my uncle can get there. At 7:45, we knew we were close to the end. So all 10 of us crowded around his bed and just let the tears fall, all of us taking turns saying good-bye. My dad decided to read some Psalms, all the while his heart beat is going slower and slower. As soon as my dad said the Amen of the last Psalm, Grandpa's heart stopped beating, as if he was waiting. I've never watched anyone die. My heart just broke. We spent another hour there saying good-bye and making arrangements. MY uncle arrived, just 8 minutes after it had happened. Then we went to my mom's house where we all sat dazed, not quite sure what to do or say.

Sunday, April 2 - My kids ambushed my bed at 6:30 AM. I snuggled them all close to me and told them about Papa. They had a million questions and tears. Hardest thing I have ever done. Most of us decided we couldn't handle going to church and dealing with people there yet. So we had breakfast together and made all the phone calls, calling all relatives from all over the country. The Red Cross came through for us and my brother was able to get emergency leave. We started coordinating who would go to what airport on what day to get who. Another draining day as the pain was still so raw and no one had really slept.

Monday, April 3 - They began to arrive. As more and more family poured in, the harder it became. We had not been all together since my Aunt Barb had died five years ago. Many of them had not met my children. I drove to Detroit at 11:30 PM to get my brother. Grandma commented that she knew something good would come out of this, part of it being able to see Tigger, he leaves for Iraq in October.

Tuesday, April 4 - More family pours in. The viewing is this night. Most of the cousins had not seen Grandpa. My brother Josh who wears nothing but black, wore a Hawaiian shirt. We all knew Grandpa would have laughed. He looked so very different, nothing of the strong, warm, vibrant man I knew. You could still see the bruises on his face where the respirator tape had been. Very sad, we went home and ate chocolate.

Wednesday, April 5- Most of us woke up feeling ancy and anxious. We knew this day would be hardest of all. WE dressed carefully as if Grandpa would know. I'll never forget walking up the steps in the church and the expressions on my children's faces as they saw the coffin for the first time. Heartwrenching. Jonah had found a smooth rock and written, I love you Papa on it. He put it in the coffin. After the girls has said good bye they scampered off to play. Jonah stuck close however, going up to the coffin often to touch his arm or his hair. Just broke my heart. We filed in for the service which was wonderful. We spent more time laughing than crying which I think is a huge testimony of who he was. Jonah read a letter he had written....again, sobbing. I spoke as well, or as well as I could through tears. We all made it through the service and were able to keep it together as the boy cousins carried the coffin to the hearse and we all watched it drive away.

And there we are.....We sadly said good-bye to everyone as they departed once again. Now we go about the dailyness of him being gone. Helping my grandma survive each long day, planting his flowers that he had started from seed, spreading his ashes in his beloved garden, reminding the kids that he's gone every time they ask, and just letting life go on.

Thomas Michael Destefano
June 26,1926 - April 1, 2006

Beloved Gradnfather and great grandfather
A man whose legacy will live on in the hearts of his family...forever.

Just when I thought it was ok, that progress was being made, the phone rang....

Grandpa's incision was leaking. The doctor was worried that bowel was spilling in to his abdomen. So back into surgery he went, knowing that when he came out not only would he have a colostomy bag, but he would be on a ventilator. The thing he hates most. But he made the decision. So there we all sat in the waiting room with thousands of questions circling. I watched Grandma as she drifted in and out of sleep, her lips moving silently as I knew she was praying. The doctor came out and everything went well. However she kept using the word, "if". "If" he survives, "if" he comes off the vent.....Hard word to hear. AS I walked into his room after he'd been brought back up, my heart leapt to my throat. What happened to the strong, funny man I knew? In his place was this weak old man. All I could do was stand next to him, hold his hand and tell him that I loved him. That I needed him to hang on a bit longer. That he had great-grandkids who love him desperately. That I needed him to meet this baby, who would have his name. At the same time, I also had to say, if you need to go Grandpa, go. So buckle up, here goes the roller coaster again.