Man, I am tired this morning. Why is it that when you make huge steps in your spiritual life it is SO tiring? God grabbed me by the throat yesterday and forced me to my knees on an area of my life that has controled my life for a very long time. It all started with church yesterday......
I was just minding my own business, singing on the worship team. Our last song was called, Surrender. It's an awesome song and, as I'm singing it, I realize that I am supposed to surrender. I pushed the Spirit away, thinking, not now! Then we went to small group last night and the very subject we were talking about was the one I needed to release! God is good. So I burst into tears (must be God because I don't usually cry about spiritual things!) and reveal my secrets to my small group. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I always want everyone to think that I have it all together, that I am a good christian, a good mom, wife, etc. But I couldn't keep up the mask anymore. God forced me to get real with my group. And no one condemmed me, they surrounded me with love, prayer and support. God is so good. And this morning I awoke to the sun in my window, a reminder that God's mercy is new EVERY morning. I will struggle with this every day, but I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!
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